Looking out the window at the falling snow, I feel the same chill I felt in that Shanghai hospital five years ago today. Shuang was on his death bed. A nauseating hopelessness and desperation filled the air. Grim faced people scurried in and out of the dim, barren room…

The snow keeps falling, quietly making a point of nature’s rhythm. Julia’s Grieg Concerto on the piano squarely pulls me back into the present. Kevin, having just completed all his college apps, is enjoying a temporary relief from my unrelenting nagging. We have all come a long way!

Shuang has a constant presence in our lives. He has left but not gone. Talking about him which we often do, never fails to bring back fond memories. He is as much my husband and my kids’ father as ever before. Though, I no longer feel him around me as I did the first two years after his death. Maybe he sees that we are coping well, and is at peace and decided to move on?

2017 is a year of transition for us. Julia will begin her working life, Kevin will go to college, and I am ready to downsize. Currently, none of us has any idea where we will end up a year from now. Exciting? Intimidating? It’s all up to us to interpret. That’s life!